Baby: Let's play! PLAY PLAY PLAY LA LA LA.
Baby: You're not looking at me. LOOK AT ME. WATCH HOW I WIGGLE.
Me: (takes baby downstairs so no one else wakes up) Zzzzzz.
Baby: Ooh, a shiny thing. I shall eat it. NOM NOM NOM. Hang on, you're not looking at me again! LA LA LA PLAY PLAY PLAY.
Me: Hello baby. You are torturing me. Thanks for that.
Baby: Tired now. Want milk. Zzzzzz.
Me and Baby: Zzzzz.
Kid 1: GOOD MORNING, MOMMA. ISN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Me: Is still dark. Go 'way.
Kid 1: I need to use the toilet. I'm hungry. Watch me do this cartwheel!!!!!
Kid 2: HELLO MUMMY. I'm cold, can I put my icy extremities inside your warm blanket, waking the baby up? THANKS!!
Me: Shh. Baby is still sleeping. Please stop touching me.
Kid 3: IneedaweeIneedaweeIneedawee.
Me: So... go? (gives into fate and gets up for the day)
Me: Stop playing nicely and get ready for school. (Did I really just tell my kids to stop playing nicely? What twilight zone is this?)
Kids 1, 2 and 3: WAHOO! TIME FOR LOTS OF FUN PLAY TIME WHILE WE ARE STILL IN JAMMIES WITH CEREAL ENCRUSTED ON OUR FACES! LIFE IS AWESOME!
Baby: No one is looking at me. This situation is intolerable.
Me: Maybe I can manage to both eat breakfast and shower this morning?
Baby: POO! Poo is fun! Lots of poo for you, momma! LA LA LA PLAY PLAY PLAY
Me: Get your bags, kids! Lunch? Coat? Gloves? Scarf? Hat? Swimming kit? Homework? Show and Tell toy? Permission slip? Dinglehoppers and Snarfblats? Let's go!
Kids: We're so cold. We hate the world. Oh, look, a squished worm!
Kids are in school. Another morning survived.
Me: (haunted look)
Baby: Zzzzz. (for now)