Why I'm Tired by 10am

5.30am

Baby: Let's play! PLAY PLAY PLAY LA LA LA.

Me: Zzzzzzzz.

Baby: You're not looking at me. LOOK AT ME. WATCH HOW I WIGGLE.

Me: (takes baby downstairs so no one else wakes up) Zzzzzz.

Baby: Ooh, a shiny thing. I shall eat it. NOM NOM NOM. Hang on, you're not looking at me again! LA LA LA PLAY PLAY PLAY.

Me: Hello baby. You are torturing me. Thanks for that.

Baby: Tired now. Want milk. Zzzzzz.


6.30am

Me and Baby: Zzzzz.

Kid 1: GOOD MORNING, MOMMA. ISN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

Me: Is still dark. Go 'way.

Kid 1: I need to use the toilet. I'm hungry. Watch me do this cartwheel!!!!!

Kid 2: HELLO MUMMY. I'm cold, can I put my icy extremities inside your warm blanket, waking the baby up? THANKS!!

Me: Shh. Baby is still sleeping. Please stop touching me.

Kid 3: IneedaweeIneedaweeIneedawee.

Me: So... go? (gives into fate and gets up for the day)

7.30am:

Me: Stop playing nicely and get ready for school. (Did I really just tell my kids to stop playing nicely? What twilight zone is this?)

Kids 1, 2 and 3: WAHOO! TIME FOR LOTS OF FUN PLAY TIME WHILE WE ARE STILL IN JAMMIES WITH CEREAL ENCRUSTED ON OUR FACES! LIFE IS AWESOME!

Baby: No one is looking at me. This situation is intolerable.

Me: Maybe I can manage to both eat breakfast and shower this morning?

Baby: POO! Poo is fun! Lots of poo for you, momma! LA LA LA PLAY PLAY PLAY

Me: No.

8.30am:

Me: Get your bags, kids! Lunch? Coat? Gloves? Scarf? Hat? Swimming kit? Homework? Show and Tell toy? Permission slip? Dinglehoppers and Snarfblats? Let's go!

Kids: We're so cold. We hate the world. Oh, look, a squished worm!

9.00am:

Kids are in school. Another morning survived.

Me: (haunted look)

Baby: Zzzzz. (for now)